I gotta vent (heavy content)

Maggot Brain

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This is a rather heavy situation I'm just venting off my chest, kinda long and aggravating so be warned prior to reading. I just have to get it "out" and this is really the only place I call home on the internet.


I had a child with my then fiance who is a citizen of Mexico, he was born in the USA but we planned to stay in Mexico until he reached school age due to the lower cost of living. At this point in time the city was rather quiet and peaceful, nothing alarming and no sense of danger. It was decided by my fiance I would be the stay at home parent simply because her job in Mexico was rather lucrative and she refused to leave it. So now by 2019 the city became under siege by 3 different cartels fighting for the city and things escalated quickly once the controlling faction was dissolved. This is why the relationship with my ex fiance quickly became strained and ultimately lead to separation. I insisted we relocate with our son to the US due to the ever increasing cartel violence which she became insulted by... I approached this gently and respectfully knowing this was her birth city and a place she is extremely proud of. Long story short the violence continued to escalate to the point of militarized cartel members were having fire fights in broad daylight in the streets, killing and wounded innocent bystanders in the process. These weren't just street thugs, these guys are equipped with body army, radios, tactical equipment and large caliber FULLY automatic firearms, they are raging war in the streets. I grew up in a quiet little town in Washington and this was just unlike anything I could ever imagine. Living in Mexico for 4 years I've had to dive on the ground from gunshots outside the house with my newborn son, Ive had to run from gunshots at a public fair, our house was broken into and robbed, property was robbed, my father in law was randomly attacked with a knife resulting in severe stab wounds and cuts. A street gentleman lived on the empty lot beside our house, he made a camp there and was a rather good person and neighbor. He was found murdered just feet from our front door and the police didn't even investigate anything. This was not the same city anymore and evil ruled the streets... We had a 9 ft concrete wall built around the house to protect from gunfire and thieves. The top of the wall was lined with razor wire per the request of my ex, the house got steel bars on all the windows and steel gates on the doors. This is all INSANE to me and completely 100% unacceptable to keep our son who is a US citizen and has access to a much safer location in the US. My ex refused to relocate with me to the US (she has a visa and the ability to stay with me in the US) and insisted our son grow up in her home town no matter what. I begged and pleaded, I begged her to be a stay at home mother and I will pay for EVERYTHING and support us, I would do anything just to please get our child away from this insanity. She refused and insisted I was being racist, prejudice and judgmental because I am a US citizen and that she will never abandon her city nor her country. So now about a year ago I had learnt a major shooting happened just blocks away from the home at a grocery store she would takes our son to every week... I drew the line because my son could have easily been right there when that shooting happened... This insanity was happening right outside our door in our neighborhood and I had to protect my child. I brought my to the USA and told his mother to please come and join us, I am obligated as a father to protect my child and I couldn't sit there and do nothing. She refused to come to the US and insisted our son grow up with her in her city. While my son was in my custody in the US the grocery store we shopped at was a scene of another major battle resulting in numerous bystanders being killed and wounded. Another major shooting happened at the other grocery store we attended every weekend, again resulting in innocent bystanders dead and wounded... She insists that "long as you mind your business you'll be safe" and insisted our child grow up in this city. .. Anyways... The US Federal court decided Mexico has jurisdiction of the child which means I have lost any and all ability to dispute custody until he is of 12 years old due to Mexico law and in Mexico the mother is automatically the sole custodial parent... Now she is using him as a pawn and refusing to let me see my son even by video or phone call and sadly there is nothing I can "legally" do. I have spoken to a lawyer in Mexico that suggests my only real option is to bribe a judge but that too carries risk or I end up getting extorted... sigh... I have been doing everything in my power to just distract myself but I miss my son terribly... I raised him since he was born, she never developed motherly instincts and never bonded with him. If I'm not there caring for our son her mother (the grandmother) is raising him and it's just total BS...

This is a crazy situation and now I live every day in complete stress and fear for my son. The cartels have been kidnapping and killing individuals nearly every week, broad daylight, the police are in on it and never arrive until LONG AFTER the kidnappers are gone with their victim, everyone knows the police of the city are corrupt... There is no safety or security there, the mayor of the city lives in the US. They deployed the Mexican army to help patrol the streets in armored humvees with .50cal machine gun turrets ontop... It's jarring to see heavily armed soldiers driving up and down the streets and military checkpoints thruout the city... Yet the violence and crime keeps escalating... The soldiers are all corrupt too and everyone knows it. There has yet to be anyone prosecuted for any of the shootings, murders or kidnappings. Officers are executed in broad daylight with the lastest one happening a week ago... No one witnesses anything (of course) and no officer is risking their life or their family life to arrest a cartel member... These cartels face no consequences and there is no protection from them.

Anyways, i just had to vent, just had to get it OUT. If anything is too graphic or just too much or inappropriate for the forum feel free to remove it or lock it... I just needed to get it out of my head once and for all...
 

middy

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This is a rather heavy situation I'm just venting off my chest, kinda long and aggravating so be warned prior to reading. I just have to get it "out" and this is really the only place I call home on the internet.


I had a child with my then fiance who is a citizen of Mexico, he was born in the USA but we planned to stay in Mexico until he reached school age due to the lower cost of living. At this point in time the city was rather quiet and peaceful, nothing alarming and no sense of danger. It was decided by my fiance I would be the stay at home parent simply because her job in Mexico was rather lucrative and she refused to leave it. So now by 2019 the city became under siege by 3 different cartels fighting for the city and things escalated quickly once the controlling faction was dissolved. This is why the relationship with my ex fiance quickly became strained and ultimately lead to separation. I insisted we relocate with our son to the US due to the ever increasing cartel violence which she became insulted by... I approached this gently and respectfully knowing this was her birth city and a place she is extremely proud of. Long story short the violence continued to escalate to the point of militarized cartel members were having fire fights in broad daylight in the streets, killing and wounded innocent bystanders in the process. These weren't just street thugs, these guys are equipped with body army, radios, tactical equipment and large caliber FULLY automatic firearms, they are raging war in the streets. I grew up in a quiet little town in Washington and this was just unlike anything I could ever imagine. Living in Mexico for 4 years I've had to dive on the ground from gunshots outside the house with my newborn son, Ive had to run from gunshots at a public fair, our house was broken into and robbed, property was robbed, my father in law was randomly attacked with a knife resulting in severe stab wounds and cuts. A street gentleman lived on the empty lot beside our house, he made a camp there and was a rather good person and neighbor. He was found murdered just feet from our front door and the police didn't even investigate anything. This was not the same city anymore and evil ruled the streets... We had a 9 ft concrete wall built around the house to protect from gunfire and thieves. The top of the wall was lined with razor wire per the request of my ex, the house got steel bars on all the windows and steel gates on the doors. This is all INSANE to me and completely 100% unacceptable to keep our son who is a US citizen and has access to a much safer location in the US. My ex refused to relocate with me to the US (she has a visa and the ability to stay with me in the US) and insisted our son grow up in her home town no matter what. I begged and pleaded, I begged her to be a stay at home mother and I will pay for EVERYTHING and support us, I would do anything just to please get our child away from this insanity. She refused and insisted I was being racist, prejudice and judgmental because I am a US citizen and that she will never abandon her city nor her country. So now about a year ago I had learnt a major shooting happened just blocks away from the home at a grocery store she would takes our son to every week... I drew the line because my son could have easily been right there when that shooting happened... This insanity was happening right outside our door in our neighborhood and I had to protect my child. I brought my to the USA and told his mother to please come and join us, I am obligated as a father to protect my child and I couldn't sit there and do nothing. She refused to come to the US and insisted our son grow up with her in her city. While my son was in my custody in the US the grocery store we shopped at was a scene of another major battle resulting in numerous bystanders being killed and wounded. Another major shooting happened at the other grocery store we attended every weekend, again resulting in innocent bystanders dead and wounded... She insists that "long as you mind your business you'll be safe" and insisted our child grow up in this city. .. Anyways... The US Federal court decided Mexico has jurisdiction of the child which means I have lost any and all ability to dispute custody until he is of 12 years old due to Mexico law and in Mexico the mother is automatically the sole custodial parent... Now she is using him as a pawn and refusing to let me see my son even by video or phone call and sadly there is nothing I can "legally" do. I have spoken to a lawyer in Mexico that suggests my only real option is to bribe a judge but that too carries risk or I end up getting extorted... sigh... I have been doing everything in my power to just distract myself but I miss my son terribly... I raised him since he was born, she never developed motherly instincts and never bonded with him. If I'm not there caring for our son her mother (the grandmother) is raising him and it's just total BS...

This is a crazy situation and now I live every day in complete stress and fear for my son. The cartels have been kidnapping and killing individuals nearly every week, broad daylight, the police are in on it and never arrive until LONG AFTER the kidnappers are gone with their victim, everyone knows the police of the city are corrupt... There is no safety or security there, the mayor of the city lives in the US. They deployed the Mexican army to help patrol the streets in armored humvees with .50cal machine gun turrets ontop... It's jarring to see heavily armed soldiers driving up and down the streets and military checkpoints thruout the city... Yet the violence and crime keeps escalating... The soldiers are all corrupt too and everyone knows it. There has yet to be anyone prosecuted for any of the shootings, murders or kidnappings. Officers are executed in broad daylight with the lastest one happening a week ago... No one witnesses anything (of course) and no officer is risking their life or their family life to arrest a cartel member... These cartels face no consequences and there is no protection from them.

Anyways, i just had to vent, just had to get it OUT. If anything is too graphic or just too much or inappropriate for the forum feel free to remove it or lock it... I just needed to get it out of my head once and for all...
That’s terrible, man. I’m sorry you have to go through this.
 

ibmorjamn

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This is a rather heavy situation I'm just venting off my chest, kinda long and aggravating so be warned prior to reading. I just have to get it "out" and this is really the only place I call home on the internet.


I had a child with my then fiance who is a citizen of Mexico, he was born in the USA but we planned to stay in Mexico until he reached school age due to the lower cost of living. At this point in time the city was rather quiet and peaceful, nothing alarming and no sense of danger. It was decided by my fiance I would be the stay at home parent simply because her job in Mexico was rather lucrative and she refused to leave it. So now by 2019 the city became under siege by 3 different cartels fighting for the city and things escalated quickly once the controlling faction was dissolved. This is why the relationship with my ex fiance quickly became strained and ultimately lead to separation. I insisted we relocate with our son to the US due to the ever increasing cartel violence which she became insulted by... I approached this gently and respectfully knowing this was her birth city and a place she is extremely proud of. Long story short the violence continued to escalate to the point of militarized cartel members were having fire fights in broad daylight in the streets, killing and wounded innocent bystanders in the process. These weren't just street thugs, these guys are equipped with body army, radios, tactical equipment and large caliber FULLY automatic firearms, they are raging war in the streets. I grew up in a quiet little town in Washington and this was just unlike anything I could ever imagine. Living in Mexico for 4 years I've had to dive on the ground from gunshots outside the house with my newborn son, Ive had to run from gunshots at a public fair, our house was broken into and robbed, property was robbed, my father in law was randomly attacked with a knife resulting in severe stab wounds and cuts. A street gentleman lived on the empty lot beside our house, he made a camp there and was a rather good person and neighbor. He was found murdered just feet from our front door and the police didn't even investigate anything. This was not the same city anymore and evil ruled the streets... We had a 9 ft concrete wall built around the house to protect from gunfire and thieves. The top of the wall was lined with razor wire per the request of my ex, the house got steel bars on all the windows and steel gates on the doors. This is all INSANE to me and completely 100% unacceptable to keep our son who is a US citizen and has access to a much safer location in the US. My ex refused to relocate with me to the US (she has a visa and the ability to stay with me in the US) and insisted our son grow up in her home town no matter what. I begged and pleaded, I begged her to be a stay at home mother and I will pay for EVERYTHING and support us, I would do anything just to please get our child away from this insanity. She refused and insisted I was being racist, prejudice and judgmental because I am a US citizen and that she will never abandon her city nor her country. So now about a year ago I had learnt a major shooting happened just blocks away from the home at a grocery store she would takes our son to every week... I drew the line because my son could have easily been right there when that shooting happened... This insanity was happening right outside our door in our neighborhood and I had to protect my child. I brought my to the USA and told his mother to please come and join us, I am obligated as a father to protect my child and I couldn't sit there and do nothing. She refused to come to the US and insisted our son grow up with her in her city. While my son was in my custody in the US the grocery store we shopped at was a scene of another major battle resulting in numerous bystanders being killed and wounded. Another major shooting happened at the other grocery store we attended every weekend, again resulting in innocent bystanders dead and wounded... She insists that "long as you mind your business you'll be safe" and insisted our child grow up in this city. .. Anyways... The US Federal court decided Mexico has jurisdiction of the child which means I have lost any and all ability to dispute custody until he is of 12 years old due to Mexico law and in Mexico the mother is automatically the sole custodial parent... Now she is using him as a pawn and refusing to let me see my son even by video or phone call and sadly there is nothing I can "legally" do. I have spoken to a lawyer in Mexico that suggests my only real option is to bribe a judge but that too carries risk or I end up getting extorted... sigh... I have been doing everything in my power to just distract myself but I miss my son terribly... I raised him since he was born, she never developed motherly instincts and never bonded with him. If I'm not there caring for our son her mother (the grandmother) is raising him and it's just total BS...

This is a crazy situation and now I live every day in complete stress and fear for my son. The cartels have been kidnapping and killing individuals nearly every week, broad daylight, the police are in on it and never arrive until LONG AFTER the kidnappers are gone with their victim, everyone knows the police of the city are corrupt... There is no safety or security there, the mayor of the city lives in the US. They deployed the Mexican army to help patrol the streets in armored humvees with .50cal machine gun turrets ontop... It's jarring to see heavily armed soldiers driving up and down the streets and military checkpoints thruout the city... Yet the violence and crime keeps escalating... The soldiers are all corrupt too and everyone knows it. There has yet to be anyone prosecuted for any of the shootings, murders or kidnappings. Officers are executed in broad daylight with the lastest one happening a week ago... No one witnesses anything (of course) and no officer is risking their life or their family life to arrest a cartel member... These cartels face no consequences and there is no protection from them.

Anyways, i just had to vent, just had to get it OUT. If anything is too graphic or just too much or inappropriate for the forum feel free to remove it or lock it... I just needed to get it out of my head once and for all...
That is a terrible situation, can you maybe get a church involved to help persuade her ? I know that’s unlikely but I can’t think of anything else.
 

Ps. 37

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MB, that is an almost incomprehensible situation to have to deal with.

It may be small solace, but at least know that everyone on this forum respects you massively for being the kind of dad you obviously are.

And beyond that, it's remarkable that you have been dealing with this for so long, and yet all of your posts have shown you to be a guy who is full of the joy of music and more than willing to share your knowledge with the rest of your comrades here.

God bless you, and praying for the outcome you and your son deserve.
 

Crikey

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This is a rather heavy situation I'm just venting off my chest, kinda long and aggravating so be warned prior to reading. I just have to get it "out" and this is really the only place I call home on the internet.


I had a child with my then fiance who is a citizen of Mexico, he was born in the USA but we planned to stay in Mexico until he reached school age due to the lower cost of living. At this point in time the city was rather quiet and peaceful, nothing alarming and no sense of danger. It was decided by my fiance I would be the stay at home parent simply because her job in Mexico was rather lucrative and she refused to leave it. So now by 2019 the city became under siege by 3 different cartels fighting for the city and things escalated quickly once the controlling faction was dissolved. This is why the relationship with my ex fiance quickly became strained and ultimately lead to separation. I insisted we relocate with our son to the US due to the ever increasing cartel violence which she became insulted by... I approached this gently and respectfully knowing this was her birth city and a place she is extremely proud of. Long story short the violence continued to escalate to the point of militarized cartel members were having fire fights in broad daylight in the streets, killing and wounded innocent bystanders in the process. These weren't just street thugs, these guys are equipped with body army, radios, tactical equipment and large caliber FULLY automatic firearms, they are raging war in the streets. I grew up in a quiet little town in Washington and this was just unlike anything I could ever imagine. Living in Mexico for 4 years I've had to dive on the ground from gunshots outside the house with my newborn son, Ive had to run from gunshots at a public fair, our house was broken into and robbed, property was robbed, my father in law was randomly attacked with a knife resulting in severe stab wounds and cuts. A street gentleman lived on the empty lot beside our house, he made a camp there and was a rather good person and neighbor. He was found murdered just feet from our front door and the police didn't even investigate anything. This was not the same city anymore and evil ruled the streets... We had a 9 ft concrete wall built around the house to protect from gunfire and thieves. The top of the wall was lined with razor wire per the request of my ex, the house got steel bars on all the windows and steel gates on the doors. This is all INSANE to me and completely 100% unacceptable to keep our son who is a US citizen and has access to a much safer location in the US. My ex refused to relocate with me to the US (she has a visa and the ability to stay with me in the US) and insisted our son grow up in her home town no matter what. I begged and pleaded, I begged her to be a stay at home mother and I will pay for EVERYTHING and support us, I would do anything just to please get our child away from this insanity. She refused and insisted I was being racist, prejudice and judgmental because I am a US citizen and that she will never abandon her city nor her country. So now about a year ago I had learnt a major shooting happened just blocks away from the home at a grocery store she would takes our son to every week... I drew the line because my son could have easily been right there when that shooting happened... This insanity was happening right outside our door in our neighborhood and I had to protect my child. I brought my to the USA and told his mother to please come and join us, I am obligated as a father to protect my child and I couldn't sit there and do nothing. She refused to come to the US and insisted our son grow up with her in her city. While my son was in my custody in the US the grocery store we shopped at was a scene of another major battle resulting in numerous bystanders being killed and wounded. Another major shooting happened at the other grocery store we attended every weekend, again resulting in innocent bystanders dead and wounded... She insists that "long as you mind your business you'll be safe" and insisted our child grow up in this city. .. Anyways... The US Federal court decided Mexico has jurisdiction of the child which means I have lost any and all ability to dispute custody until he is of 12 years old due to Mexico law and in Mexico the mother is automatically the sole custodial parent... Now she is using him as a pawn and refusing to let me see my son even by video or phone call and sadly there is nothing I can "legally" do. I have spoken to a lawyer in Mexico that suggests my only real option is to bribe a judge but that too carries risk or I end up getting extorted... sigh... I have been doing everything in my power to just distract myself but I miss my son terribly... I raised him since he was born, she never developed motherly instincts and never bonded with him. If I'm not there caring for our son her mother (the grandmother) is raising him and it's just total BS...

This is a crazy situation and now I live every day in complete stress and fear for my son. The cartels have been kidnapping and killing individuals nearly every week, broad daylight, the police are in on it and never arrive until LONG AFTER the kidnappers are gone with their victim, everyone knows the police of the city are corrupt... There is no safety or security there, the mayor of the city lives in the US. They deployed the Mexican army to help patrol the streets in armored humvees with .50cal machine gun turrets ontop... It's jarring to see heavily armed soldiers driving up and down the streets and military checkpoints thruout the city... Yet the violence and crime keeps escalating... The soldiers are all corrupt too and everyone knows it. There has yet to be anyone prosecuted for any of the shootings, murders or kidnappings. Officers are executed in broad daylight with the lastest one happening a week ago... No one witnesses anything (of course) and no officer is risking their life or their family life to arrest a cartel member... These cartels face no consequences and there is no protection from them.

Anyways, i just had to vent, just had to get it OUT. If anything is too graphic or just too much or inappropriate for the forum feel free to remove it or lock it... I just needed to get it out of my head once and for all...
Custody battles are tough especially those across country lines
Get along with the mom or you may be in danger when you go back down there
 

Filipe Soares

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Man, I have seen some weird shit regarding child custody while l was living in Mexico. I have a few brazilian friends, both male and female, married to mexican citizens that faced a lot of trouble because of that. Mexico is extremely protective when it comes to sons of mexican people. it is a battle you will lose just because you are a foreigner. It´s not because she´s his mother, it is because she is mexican. One of these friends is a Brazilian lady lawyer who has been living in mexico for 15 years, just waiting her son to be legally independent to return to brazil with him. of course his ex husband bribed some judges to make her life even worse.

I hope you find a way to sort it out.
 

Maggot Brain

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MB, that is an almost incomprehensible situation to have to deal with.

It may be small solace, but at least know that everyone on this forum respects you massively for being the kind of dad you obviously are.

And beyond that, it's remarkable that you have been dealing with this for so long, and yet all of your posts have shown you to be a guy who is full of the joy of music and more than willing to share your knowledge with the rest of your comrades here.

God bless you, and praying for the outcome you and your son deserve.
Thanks Ps! That was a really touching post and I appreciate it very very much. I'm trying my hardest to keep my head on straight and keeping positive energy. This forum and everyone here has been a great distraction and source of inspiration and support. I appreciate all of you so very much and will always insist this is the greatest online community!

Thank you!


Is there a Mexican version of child protective services? I would pursue something in that direction. Your ex is putting your child in considerable danger, which seems to me would qualify her as an unfit parent.
Unfortunately this wouldn't qualify as child endangerment in Mexico, hell even the US Federal Judge refused to acknowledge it as child endangerment. The sad reality is a lot of places in Mexico this is the norm and most people I've spoken to in my time down there just accept it as part of daily life.

I was furious as the federal judge tried to compare the crime and violence in Mexico to that of Seattle. Seattle has turned into a real dump but to compare it to a narco controlled state in Mexico is ridiculous!

Man, I have seen some weird shit regarding child custody while l was living in Mexico. I have a few brazilian friends, both male and female, married to mexican citizens that faced a lot of trouble because of that. Mexico is extremely protective when it comes to sons of mexican people. it is a battle you will lose just because you are a foreigner. It´s not because she´s his mother, it is because she is mexican. One of these friends is a Brazilian lady lawyer who has been living in mexico for 15 years, just waiting her son to be legally independent to return to brazil with him. of course his ex husband bribed some judges to make her life even worse.

I hope you find a way to sort it out.
Thanks man,
Yeah the first thing the lawyer told me was the fact I am a US citizen I will have ZERO chance in the Mexican courts without bribery. It's just blew my mind the US federal court refused to acknowledge the incompetence and corruption within the Mexican legal system.

This all happened under the Hague convention and what infuriates me is the treaty is written and designed with the idea all nations will be fair and just, to be competent in handling a custodial dispute. The Hague convention strives to prevent a parent from fleeing to a more favorable jurisdiction and for an unfair advantage but it at the same time it traps many in a corrupt and unjust jurisdiction still allowing one parent an unfair advantage... It's so damn sloppy I can't believe it has remained nearly unchanged since it's inception.

sad & tragic...

I pray for the best in this. Doesn't sound like anything will be easy.
Thanks DoD, I appreciate it a lot man.

One day at a time!
 

Lefty68

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The world is changing rapidly, and some U.S. urban areas are only a few steps away from the senseless violence you describe.
Please don't allow the helplessness of the situation color your perception of your own feelings. You know you love your boy. Nothing can change that.

Thoughts & prayers.
 

Maggot Brain

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The world is changing rapidly, and some U.S. urban areas are only a few steps away from the senseless violence you describe.
Please don't allow the helplessness of the situation color your perception of your own feelings. You know you love your boy. Nothing can change that.

Thoughts & prayers.
So very much appreciated!

Thoughts and Prayers @Maggot Brain
I can’t imagine a worse case scenario for you and your son !!
Please stay strong and focused my friend..

Mitch
Thanks Mitch! Very much appreciated 🙏
 


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