Guitar is the only thing that keeps me going.

Samano89

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@Samano89 brother! You are not alone, you are making steps already. This is probably the best corner of the internet hands down and all the regulars here are great people and friends with big hearts and nice sense of humor.

I have been very close with people in your exact situation and know very much what you are going thru. First goal is to get COMPLETELY clean as that's the key to the rest of your life. If you've suffered from addiction especially opiate addiction then you can NEVER just dabble it in EVER again. It has to he DEAD from you, gone, it's a devils chemical. It makes you feel "ok" like you can "take on the world" or "feel like your "true" self" but it's all LIES, it lies to you and in the process sucks your soul and everything meaningful to you and leaves you empty, hopeless and with nothing. This drug is not your friend and it fools you, it's evil (cliche but I have personal experience the drug and this is how I feel about it). The methadone withdrawal is way worse IME than any opiate pill and just prolongs the suffering... Yes that piece of methadone will take the withdrawal away and it feels like "sweet relief" just an "awww... I don't feel like shit, thank God" but it is just another shackle man and you body will still have chemicals feeding the massive amount of opiate receptors in your body... You'll need to just say "fuck it... I'm going to face the storm of withdrawal head first and I WILL come out the otherside"... It's brutal man but if you want to escape that nightmare it's the only way... The only way, the withdrawal HAS to he endured. Once you come out the otherside and have lived the misery of that withdrawal in me eyes its a great reminder of NEVER wanting to go thru that shit again! That shit is poison!

I'll PM you, don't feel alone, you may not have "friends" but I'd dare say most "friends" are over rated, I'm abit jaded and a loner now days BUT I have been in your shoes and longed for friendship.

Hang in there, I'll always be around on here, I'll reach out and you can always reach me back.

You'll get a guitar again, I promise, start dreaming of which one you want, it will feed the fire to move forward.
Thank you man everything you said is what I know but am scared to death of. I have tried withdrawals several times and it was too much to handle. This is why I truly believe there is no hope for me. I’ve been on opiates now since I was 18 until 33. 15 years straight of pumping that shit into my blood, tissue, muscles, bones and brain. My older cousin who used to do OxyContin 80mg pills with me got on Methadone and then 2 years later decided he had enough and moved out of state where he had nobody to fall back on and went cold turkey. He said it was hell for a couple months but that having a family now and his life back is the best thing ever. He even offered me a place to come live rent free to get off this shit if I want but I am a wuss. I don’t have the physical and mental strength as other’s. I get sick and my whole body falls apart and I can’t eat, drink or sleep. I don’t know what to do.
 

Ken Ops

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Damn, that’s a rough ride you’ve been on, mate.

Time to pick yourself up off the floor and start over.

Don’t get me wrong, I know how hard that is, and is probably going to be for a time. It’s a shitful and irritating perspective, but still relevant - looking at the opportunities you have, and being grateful for as much as possible in life, even when overall it kinda sucks.

But yeah, clean is the only way it’s going to work.
 

steveb63

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@Samano89 brother! You are not alone, you are making steps already. This is probably the best corner of the internet hands down and all the regulars here are great people and friends with big hearts and nice sense of humor.

I have been very close with people in your exact situation and know very much what you are going thru. First goal is to get COMPLETELY clean as that's the key to the rest of your life. If you've suffered from addiction especially opiate addiction then you can NEVER just dabble it in EVER again. It has to he DEAD from you, gone, it's a devils chemical. It makes you feel "ok" like you can "take on the world" or "feel like your "true" self" but it's all LIES, it lies to you and in the process sucks your soul and everything meaningful to you and leaves you empty, hopeless and with nothing. This drug is not your friend and it fools you, it's evil (cliche but I have personal experience the drug and this is how I feel about it). The methadone withdrawal is way worse IME than any opiate pill and just prolongs the suffering... Yes that piece of methadone will take the withdrawal away and it feels like "sweet relief" just an "awww... I don't feel like shit, thank God" but it is just another shackle man and you body will still have chemicals feeding the massive amount of opiate receptors in your body... You'll need to just say "fuck it... I'm going to face the storm of withdrawal head first and I WILL come out the otherside"... It's brutal man but if you want to escape that nightmare it's the only way... The only way, the withdrawal HAS to he endured. Once you come out the otherside and have lived the misery of that withdrawal in me eyes its a great reminder of NEVER wanting to go thru that shit again! That shit is poison!

I'll PM you, don't feel alone, you may not have "friends" but I'd dare say most "friends" are over rated, I'm abit jaded and a loner now days BUT I have been in your shoes and longed for friendship.

Hang in there, I'll always be around on here, I'll reach out and you can always reach me back.

You'll get a guitar again, I promise, start dreaming of which one you want, it will feed the fire to move forward.
The Devil must get his due.

^^^^^^ great advice sir.
 

Maggot Brain

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Thank you man everything you said is what I know but am scared to death of. I have tried withdrawals several times and it was too much to handle. This is why I truly believe there is no hope for me. I’ve been on opiates now since I was 18 until 33. 15 years straight of pumping that shit into my blood, tissue, muscles, bones and brain. My older cousin who used to do OxyContin 80mg pills with me got on Methadone and then 2 years later decided he had enough and moved out of state where he had nobody to fall back on and went cold turkey. He said it was hell for a couple months but that having a family now and his life back is the best thing ever. He even offered me a place to come live rent free to get off this shit if I want but I am a wuss. I don’t have the physical and mental strength as other’s. I get sick and my whole body falls apart and I can’t eat, drink or sleep. I don’t know what to do.
If withdrawal is that unbearable then I suggest you look into Kratom to taper down your receptors. You aren't as weak as you may think, I know how scary it is, I've been there. Using Kratom to survive the withdrawal was a key tool but can and probably will turn into a crutch BUT I still think it is extremely useful to taper down and build your confidence. Youre programed to take something to feel better, your programmed you start your day with a dose of relief, it's probably one of the only things you look forward to, trust me I've been there. The Kratom will fill that void and give you relief but not so potent/toxic as methadone and with time you'll get a clearer head.

Also know that you feeling weak, scared, insecure, hopeless etc has a LOT to do with your brain chemistry, it's not really you it's the drugs throwing everything out of whack. That's why I believe opiates are such a devil chemical, it turns you against yourself, convinces you that you are insecure without it, you need it, it traps you in a vicious cycle.

You should seriouely consider looking at moving away from your usual "area" as there will be LOTS of triggers that will get you craving or reminisce, you'll be stuck in your daily pattern/routine which includes drug use. I'd say moving away was the biggest aid in my recovery and completely broke the cycle. It was then I was able to rebuild myself and start a new chapter, I can't stress enough how beneficial it is getting away.

I'm sure you may have heard a lot of this but it's the path to freedom, to recovery and a new life and it's all up to you, it's there for you to take, it's not easy but it's so worth the work.

I'm just sharing the wisdom I learned from my dark chapter, I believe in you because if I could do it then you can do it.

Keep your head up brother 🙏
 

JamminJeff

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Damn that was an awesome reply. Thank you for your advice I could always use it. My dad has always been a hard worker but a very private person and never really gave me the time of day to give life advice. It’s cool to hear wisdom from people who clearly have it. You are definitely right about it being my fault for letting this person influence me so easily. I mean he didn’t put a gun to my head so I obviously had a choice. That’s where a lot of shame comes from with it. The craziest part is that I no longer feel joy in anything. I try to sleep the days away because nothing gives me joy. I feel like there’s no hope and I’m on a trip to losing my sanity.
It's not wisdom, it's life experience, the hard way. If someone has always had it easy, they haven't lived life yet.

Also, there is no shame in f'ing up. It's how you recover and move forward that matters. It's what you do next that will all but erase what you did before, good or bad.

Everyone get's up and puts their feet on the floor to start their day or night. That's how it begins. What you do after that is up to you.

NO ONE IS GOING TO DO IT FOR YOU.
 

JamminJeff

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It’s rough. I’ve been filling out about 10-15 applications a week. Still no luck. I know there’s gotta be tons of jobs out there. I just don’t know how qualified I am.
I've been on the recruiting/hiring side for many years. Never tell the interviewer your problems. This includes EVERYONE you come in contact with at the potential employer. You are being assessed from the very first contact, even when you pull in the parking lot, walk in the door, etc. Even just a casual conversation with the receptionist or maintenance guy can blow the deal. Current employees don't want a problem to be hired or if they didn't like the person (stupid reason) they will find a way to tell others not to hire, etc. Cruel and amateurish and potentially unlawful, but it happens.

Only tell the hiring manager/s what you can do for them, but don't over-embellish your experience or skills. Being honest doesn't mean telling them more than they are asking or more than they need to know or your life story.

If they ask what your hobby is, it's okay to tell them you play guitar, but don't tell them any more than that. Down-play it about 99% percent. Yes, this sucks too, but stereotypes are still a problem. Some are well earned !

The interview process has become ridiculous in my opinion, but that's the game and the game is rigged against the applicant. Play the game to win !

Also, don't bullshit the interviewer. They will spot it right away. Group interviews are a total sh*tshow as well. They suck, are ineffective and should be abandoned. They are a popularity contest which has NOTHING to do with selecting the best candidate for a position.

Don't show up smelling like a French Fried Cigarette Butt. No offense the French. Yes, people show up smelling like all sorts of things.

Iron your clothes, even for some crappy job. Show some respect, but don't be a butt kisser. Look people in the eye, but don't be a psychopath about it and stare at them the entire time.

Lastly, some employers are so burned out on the hiring process and only want you to follow instructions. Until the application is properly filled-out and submitted to the hiring manager, nothing will happen. Most employers now perform background checks to make sure the applicant clears their legal requirements for hiring. Some will hire in advance, but if you lie or don't pass the background, drug screen, etc. after you already started work, you will get the boot !

Be honest, just not too honest.

Just my 2 pennies. Good Luck !

p.s. Now I need to go play guitar to forget about all this stuff.
 
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paul-e-mann

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Thank you man everything you said is what I know but am scared to death of. I have tried withdrawals several times and it was too much to handle. This is why I truly believe there is no hope for me. I’ve been on opiates now since I was 18 until 33. 15 years straight of pumping that shit into my blood, tissue, muscles, bones and brain. My older cousin who used to do OxyContin 80mg pills with me got on Methadone and then 2 years later decided he had enough and moved out of state where he had nobody to fall back on and went cold turkey. He said it was hell for a couple months but that having a family now and his life back is the best thing ever. He even offered me a place to come live rent free to get off this shit if I want but I am a wuss. I don’t have the physical and mental strength as other’s. I get sick and my whole body falls apart and I can’t eat, drink or sleep. I don’t know what to do.
Rehab buddy, can you get yourself into one? Talk to your doctor...
 

BlueX

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Sorry about your situation, but at least you seem to be aware of it. Maybe the first step on the way back. Might take time, but your still young.

Focus on the things that matter to you, and ditch bad company and drugs.

Welcome to Marshall Forum!
 

BlueX

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Not sure why but I can’t PM or start a conversation with anyone. When I click on a persons profile it doesn’t show the “start a conversation” option for some reason. Not sure if it’s my account or my phone.
Did you sort this out? Might be because your account is new, and some functions start to work with some delay.
 

Ramo

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Hello out there,

This Marshall forum has given me great threads and conversations with awesome people. I turn 33 on Thursday (09/29/89) and I have nobody to talk to. I have been through a lot this past year. I’ve been on a Methadone regimen for a couple years and then met someone at the Methadone clinic my age. I was desperate for a friend and he seemed nice enough. Eventually he convinced me to get back on drugs. So I started slipping and became unable to perform at work. So I lost my Warehouse manager job of 7 years. Then he saw all my guitars, amps and music gear and convinced me to pawn it all piece by piece for drugs. Now as I sit in my room I have no guitar, no amp, no pedals, just the rack on the wall that still holds my guitar cables. I have no job, no money and the only thing that kept me going was guitar. Since the age of 13 that has been my one true passion. As I sit here today I’m lonely, confused, embarrassed, no car, no house of my own (moved in with family) and I’m about to be 33 years old. I’ve done nothing with my life and now I’m completely afraid and clueless as to where or how to start again. The thought of one day owning a Marshall amp, nice guitar and pedals will hopefully keep me going. Just hope nobody else out there is in a position like this. Weird the places life takes you.
thats tough place to be for sure.....


start re-building your life step by step, everything will come in time, just stay focused and avoid people who will try to bring you down.

if ya need talk you can always message me here.


welcome to the forum:eddie:
 

Matthews Guitars

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Welcome, fellow traveller.

Now...time for some tough love. I'm not the kind of guy who'll blow warm up air up your ass and tell you it's sunshine.


Decide if you want to LIVE A LIFE or have a drug habit instead.

If you decided you want to live, and enjoy what life has to offer, COMMIT to it.

Start by kicking your "friend" to the curb. The ASSHOLE who got you back into the drugs that have destroyed your life to date.

Be remorseless, be ruthless, let him know in no uncertain terms that he is banished from your life FOREVER.

You need a "friend" like that as much as you need a pet hand grenade with a loose safety pin. Both WILL eventually kill you, but at least the grenade won't lie about its nature.

You will have no better a life than the one you CHOOSE to make for yourself.

But the good news is, every day is an opportunity to start over and leave the colossal fuckups of your life to date behind you.

Are you going to do it?

That's up to you. Make your decision and execute it. Every day, every minute. Prove to yourself who's stronger, your addictions or your willpower.

Choose drugs, your world will dwindle to nothing but those drugs. The farther into that little hole you sink, the less your friends and family will think of you, until you reach the point where they STOP crying when YOU DIE. Because finally you will then stop torturing THEM as much as you are torturing YOURSELF.

Choose to live without drugs, and all the opportunities and possiblities of life are again open to you. And being only 33, you've got PLENTY of time left to enjoy life. You're still young. But not yet mature. It's time to grow up and take charge of yourself.


Choose.

Life or death.

Choose now.

Because drugs will lead to death eventually.
 

Jethro Rocker

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He even offered me a place to come live rent free to get off this shit if I wan
I will add this.
Do that! You have family who cares and can help you who have experienced the same. Sounds like nothing is tying you to where you are now.
Take full advantage of that offer.
Please!
Get better, get off the dope, there is an excellent opportunity,
 

MickeyS

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Dont sweat being qualified for a job, let the ones hiring make that decision. Fake it till ya make it. Apply to everything you can and give it your best. One day at a time, dont look too far ahead and treat yourself with patience and kindness. You CAN turn things around. Invision what you want your life to look like, make a list and move forward. The awesome folks here have given you great advice and hopefully, some hope that you have people who care, even though none of us know you personally. Lots of life experience here, take as much in as you can and kick some ass brother.
 

EJstrat&JVM

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Accept any kind of help even if it looks small. The more you humiliate yourself the better you will feel. If your "friend" wants you to take drugs again, simply have the courage to say no thanks. Better lonely than having bad friends, and this takes courage, because nobody likes to be lonely.
 

mr_tornado_head

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Thank you man everything you said is what I know but am scared to death of. I have tried withdrawals several times and it was too much to handle. This is why I truly believe there is no hope for me. I’ve been on opiates now since I was 18 until 33. 15 years straight of pumping that shit into my blood, tissue, muscles, bones and brain. My older cousin who used to do OxyContin 80mg pills with me got on Methadone and then 2 years later decided he had enough and moved out of state where he had nobody to fall back on and went cold turkey. He said it was hell for a couple months but that having a family now and his life back is the best thing ever. He even offered me a place to come live rent free to get off this shit if I want but I am a wuss. I don’t have the physical and mental strength as other’s. I get sick and my whole body falls apart and I can’t eat, drink or sleep. I don’t know what to do.


You're not a wuss. You are dependent. But you are indeed stronger than you think. We all face situations at times in life that we think "there's no way I can do that..." Yet, for those that try, find out that they can, in fact, accomplish that task.

Getting out of the current environment and cutting contact with the old "friends" goes a long way to staying clean. This is what my son realized he had to do to get his shit together.

You've gotten a lot of response and advice. There's a lot of people here on your side, rooting for you to succeed. We know you can do it.
 

Cal Nevari

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Damn that was an awesome reply. Thank you for your advice I could always use it. My dad has always been a hard worker but a very private person and never really gave me the time of day to give life advice. It’s cool to hear wisdom from people who clearly have it. You are definitely right about it being my fault for letting this person influence me so easily. I mean he didn’t put a gun to my head so I obviously had a choice. That’s where a lot of shame comes from with it. The craziest part is that I no longer feel joy in anything. I try to sleep the days away because nothing gives me joy. I feel like there’s no hope and I’m on a trip to losing my sanity.
It sounds lik you are struggling with depression. Might I suggest contacting your county mental health services to seek treatment? Depression colors our worldview and can paralyze. Seek and ye shall find! Also, borrow Ready Player One from your local library. You might find inspiration there. Or you might just be entertained for a while.
 

MikiDord smf

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Hello out there,

This Marshall forum has given me great threads and conversations with awesome people. I turn 33 on Thursday (09/29/89) and I have nobody to talk to. I have been through a lot this past year. I’ve been on a Methadone regimen for a couple years and then met someone at the Methadone clinic my age. I was desperate for a friend and he seemed nice enough. Eventually he convinced me to get back on drugs. So I started slipping and became unable to perform at work. So I lost my Warehouse manager job of 7 years. Then he saw all my guitars, amps and music gear and convinced me to pawn it all piece by piece for drugs. Now as I sit in my room I have no guitar, no amp, no pedals, just the rack on the wall that still holds my guitar cables. I have no job, no money and the only thing that kept me going was guitar. Since the age of 13 that has been my one true passion. As I sit here today I’m lonely, confused, embarrassed, no car, no house of my own (moved in with family) and I’m about to be 33 years old. I’ve done nothing with my life and now I’m completely afraid and clueless as to where or how to start again. The thought of one day owning a Marshall amp, nice guitar and pedals will hopefully keep me going. Just hope nobody else out there is in a position like this. Weird the places life takes you.
WELCOME, 33 years you are young and life is in front of you. Don't know were to start mate but if i may say that i believe that you can stay on program and beat that beast once and for all, of course that is your life and you are the only one entitled to make decisions and you know what is best for you.
I would say in start that I can only ''blame'' myself, i say it because I've survived that and I'm clean' more then 10 years. It's great that you told what is going on and reach out to talk with a people, but you must fight with a depression and be honest with a doctor ( if you have one on that program).

IMHO it's impossible to beat that without help of medicine, i saw 100's of them who were thinking they can beat it and they all ended up in the same ways. A Good doctor is a huge help as well as to stay on a program as long as it needs to recover.
Maybe i can help you for a job (was working on a projects for CV writing, as manager, executive director etc).

For a guitar we can find some, I'm willing to give you some $ to buy a guitar, some 2nd hand and then to help you out to set it up perfect for your needs. If you like to play, it easy to became a good guitar tech, i mean ''easy''. It takes learning but no need for any fancy schools to set up guitars, ferret them, level frets and so on. Plus it's fun. Or you can work from your home and give English language lessons. ( those are just propositions of course, IMHO you can be what ever you wish to and find job that you like)

Also , You can contact me any time if you wish in PM, and I've sent you PM just in case you wish to talk etc.

Just to add, when you are on Methadone on OK dosage then there is no need for H, if you taking it regularly and in an adequate dosage then there is no way that you can feel H over it. It's imposable, except at the very beginning of the program when the dose is low, or if person reduces the dose of the drug or stops taking it. But you know all that, I wrote this because maybe someone don't know that.
You must learn to say no to Heroin and drugs even if someone is doing H in front you, to be cool, that is process. IMHO Methadone is protecting people, since they can't get high anymore from H they will stop to spent $ on drugs. Why would they, when there is no effect? They sell trash on a street that has 1 or max 3-4 % of heroin in it, the rest is mixture of sugar, tablets, and all sort of powders.

I was fight for that program due to it's well known cure since 60's, and 10's of studies were done including on 127 people who took it over 10 years. It's saving lives when it is used as cure. Abusing is something else, and I'm against it.
In modern age it is luck to have a real friend, to be honest it's like that. We live in a society were everything is perceived trough $ and that is for me the worst drug on this planet when people became greedy. IMHO loneliness is the consequence of modern way of life in the 21st century. People go out in a pub or café bar and then tap on their iPhone instead to talk with friend who sit beside them. My point is that you are not the only one who feel like that, just you have been an honest and brave to reach out and say it.

Life is a HUGE GIFT, it's not only about to earn $, for sure we need to eat and have place to live, but to be happy with what we have, to enjoy in everydayness activates, to have friends, to play guitar, learn, and to help others also - all that is imho more important then money.

You are hero because it's heroic to fight with that beast. take care and i wish you all best,
M

(i made probably a lot of mistakes during typing, because it is to late here and i wished to write a comment)
 
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