Separate names with a comma.
Discussion in 'The Backstage' started by ricksconnected, Mar 14, 2019.
...faces look ugly, when you're alone.
I have another, this time, from my tenure with the fire department. It's a short story, really. Being in Wisconsin, we do on occasion have some damn cold temperatures. You would think, people that own / have owned businesses here - especially a retail type store, where there are any number of customers visiting inside the building; would have it adequately heated or at least insulated. One Winter, several years ago, that was not the case at this establishment; and the water supply pipe in the building "froze." this is a store that sells surplus goods of all different varieties, and the owner has (had) a few "special" employees. I'm not talking about those that are actually mentally or physically challenged, these are just some special people with just enough sense to come up with bad ideas. If you haven't guessed by now, they thought the best way to thaw the pipe, was to use a full-size, Oxy-Acetylene torch. This is a method that works, but requires some prep work and close supervision during and after. Well, it worked, in fact it worked so well, the mastermind behind the operation of the torch did not pay enough attention to the fact the surrounding wall was also thawing in its own way. Burnt the entire place (a large, warehouse) and most of its contents to the ground.
I am a confessed "Complete Idiot". Back during the drought of 1988 I was working 2nd shift, took the trash out to the burn barrel, gave it a light and about an hour later went to work. About an hour into the shift the supervisor comes up to me and says there's a 6 alarm fire at your house...(My wife & I were renting a farm house). Raced home to find about 6 or 8 fire trucks, the barn is completely gone, 2 sheds completely gone (burnt to the foundations - gone), 3 acres of wheat gone, burnt black, the yard is completely black to within 20 feet of the house (and propane tank). Woofer, my german shepard had been rescued off his chain (was freaked to the sound of crackling fire to his dying day). Only the house survived, luckily no-one was hurt, and I had renters insurance. The insurance company ruled it an accident, I didn't pay a dime. The farmer got paid for wheat, the landlord sued me but the insurance company lawyer eventually settled with them. (for $ 65,000) . Of course we got evicted, but found a nicer country home for rent closer to work...buuh duh...the old barn and sheds were like dry kindlin and went up in an instant. The barn smoldered for a few days and smelt like hell and guess what? I still love playing with fire... Yes "I" am "The" Complete Idiot.
I just remember this one:
My boss back then, got a temp worker through a staffing agency.... I am guessing this guy wasn't properly screened by the staffing agency. ...Just a few days into his assignment, he began flirting with the female bldg security, the girl was flirting back (or rather playing him)... However the girl decided to dump him before it got serious... he was so despondent and upset that the yelled he want to blow this shit up.... We took the threat seriously that we contacted the bldg management, the police department and his agency.... He was escorted out of the building in cuffs..
This was 2 months after 9/11. .
I am not without moments of my own. I caused a dumpster fire at my apartment complex, about a year out of school. Sometimes charcoal in the Lil' Weber is hotter than it appears.
Your burning barrel story reminded me of another. We had a guy renting a farm house for a summer, almost to the end of our fire district. He lit up his own burning barrel, full of trash, and headed to town, on the windiest day of the year ( we're talking like 50 mph gusts), during a dry summer. The only luck thing for him, was that the wind blew away from the house. We had 76 fire fighters from four different departments, putting out what became a massive (for our area) wildfire. Somewhere over a hundred acres burnt.
A threat like that, meaningful or not, HAD to be taken seriously. 9/11 changed the way we perceive a lot things. Many things people do or did, that would have been taken with a grain of salt; now have be scrutinized very carefully.
Hmmm..Why am I reminded of the movie "Barbarella"?
As far as idiots go, here it's kind of seasonal..In the winter there's far less of them, but with the coming of spring they start showing up in DROVES, in the guise of tourists..
Maybe they're migratory?
heres another good one.
i have a 83 chevy short bed. crush interior and everything.
bought it from a guy at a dealership i worked at back in the 90s.
his name is jim.
now ole jim isnt the sharpest tool in the shed but hes still a tool.
(it will come to you lol)
so one day we are all setting around and ole jim calls up one of the guys that happened
to be in the group. his lawn mower wouldnt start. so ken is on the phone helping jim diagnose
the situation. they went through every possible situation when ken finally asks jim if there was even gas
in the lawn mower. DING DING DING.
so off to the gas station jim goes to get gas.
well kens phone rings again and its jim. damn thing still wont start he says. ken reminds jim that the mower
had probably been setting empty since last spring and it would probably need several pulls to get the gas
flowing again. so pull pull pull. finally you hear in the background "holy shit" phone goes dead.
the next day we hear the jim didnt put the spark plug boot back on the plug while testing for spark the day
before and the mower went up in flames once the plug fell off the makeshift wire holder he was using to
test for spark. the deck was wet with gas. jim ends up at the hospital from his pant leg catching on fire
with burns. nothing serious but his leg looked hairless and was red as a fresh cooked lobster.
stay tuned for part two to ole jim.
ok part deux
where did we leave off..........oh yeah, ok
so we let ole jim heal up for a few days. a few of the crew had gone over to jims house to check up on him.
he was suppose to have come back to work that day but called out. he took a beer day.
so as the guys arrived they blew the horn to let jim know they were there as he suggested.
his wife left early for work and she thought jim was headed to work too.
beer day remember. so honk-honk goes the horn and a few second later ole jim comes around the side
of the house all smiles. he had been drinking. so he takes the guys around back to the setting area and it was obvious
jim had been working on his lawn. jim had muscled up a pile of leaves about 5ft round and probably 3 ft tall.
he adds some gas to the pile and starts to beat his gums and the guys told him to hurry and light the leaves
as it wast good to let the gas soak to the bottom. so jim plays it safe and pours a little trail away from the pile
that he can light and be safely out of the way.
flick.....flick......flick GOOSH.... up goes the pile. the fire was so high that it could be seen across the street
and it was. so much so that the neighbors across the street called the fire dept and contacted jims wife at work.
jim gets busted not once but twice because in his neighborhood its required that you bag your leaves in these
special bags. what had happen was jim had just finished pouring gas on the pile as the crew pulled up and blew the horn
and he had forgotten he already did that as he came back around the house with his guests in tow, so he added more.
true story guys. did i mention that jim had a glass eye? nobody ever bother to ask.
Rick's last one reminded me of a time I pulled a stupid when I was a teenager (oh wait... that was everyday... ) but when we start crackin out the idiot stories, it's always good to humble ourselves a bit...
16 years old. I was in a punk band (like ya do) and our jam space was in this massive garage that the drummer's dad used to keep his 69 Mustang in. It was far away, by itself, in a field. Hard times came, the mustang went and we had a session room. Okay... they kicked us out of the main house because we were THAT bad.
Its summer, its insanely hot. This was in the Utah desert and we really shouldn't have been out there at all. The scorpions were out, but we managed to keep them back or we just stomped on them. Always check your guitars, drums and other gear for them BEFORE you pick anything up! We were managing.
Then one day, the garage was different. Now, it was too hot during the day and too cold during the night for most of our instruments to be stored there. We would set up, play, then break down and carry away every single day. So today, we pulled up in our SUV with all our stuff in the back and just stared at the building. Something was wrong.
I got out and went inside while the boys stayed in the car. In the corner of the building, just over our mini fridge, there was a massive hornet nest. The big, bulging, buzzing nasty kind. And those b4st4rds were angry. As soon as they saw me, they came for me. I ran as fast as I could, got in the car, slammed the door and yelled "DRIVE!!!"... even all the way back to the house, those things were chasing us.
Little 16 year old Teryn wasnt really thinking very clearly back then... I was pissed off that those Hornets had the balls to take my space. So, we stole a bottle of Everclear. We got a couple gallons of gas. And we got a box of matches.
I think we all know where this was going.
I suppose in my mind, if I couldn't have the building, then neither could the Hornets.
The building burned to the ground... and thankfully there was nothing around it to catch and spread the fire, considering it was a drought and the burn ban was in full effect. We ran.
To this day, no one knows who burned that barn down... but myself and three guys. We always open our messages to each other like "hey, remember that time..." and yes, I remember. I have a scar on my leg from when I actually was caught on fire.
please, has nothing to do with being humble. sure i pull dip shit moves all the time.
we do not learn by the things we do right but by the things we do wrong.
we call these learning experiences. we ALL have them. some people dont learn
by their mistakes period.
these stories are of folks taking it up several notches and getting close to shit tard status.
chiliphil said it best and i put it in my signature,
"Todays people may be more educated, but they are not as smart".
i hope like hell that he coined that phrase because its true.
personally, i hope he makes a million bucks off of it too.
Shit tard, too funny, I see I'm not alone with the pyromania...
Yeah, burning stuff is pretty classic.
My friend, Kevin, loves guns. He got a job working at the Sunflower ammunition factory where he had access to bullets that the average guy does not.
Kevin and his wife were renting a house in the country. Kevin acquired some incendiary rounds (tracer bullets) from work and thought it would be fun to shoot them at night. And it was fun. He shot into an embankment next to a farmer's field. Some of the incendiary rounds penetrated the embankment and set the field ablaze. Many acres were burned that night.
Kevin was my roommate in college. My other roomate, Jeff, and I called Kevin "Mister Destructo." Whenever Kevin broke something, which was frequently, he would say something like "Hey, you know your alarm clock? It broke." Jeff and I would hum the theme to "Dr. Demento," meaning "Mister Destructo, Mister Destructo." Kevin didn't get it.
I wouldn't call myself a pyro. I just hate... HATE... Hornets. And I wanted them dead.
I did watch a friend light his face on fire once... trying to eat fire. Epic fail. I shoved dirt all over his face to put him out. He wasnt permanently damaged
Ah yes, nothing like burning the farmers fields...fire, mans best friend...
Your tooo nice, to bad she didn’t freeze to death, that is just what she needed! What an a-hole at best!
Where you been?
Hilarious, I lit my hand on fire, spilled a lit shot of Bacardi 151, at a bar, and the sorry thing was I was sober at the time...that was my last burning shot...yeow!