A sex boycott sounds fun and all, but have you ever considered marriage?

Discussion in 'The Backstage' started by mtm105, May 18, 2019.

  1. mtm105

    mtm105 Well-Known Member

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    “Give a man a fish. Don’t ask why just do it.”
    -- If your boss wrote proverbs

    Name fifty reasons you think I'm too demanding.

    There was a fire at the Yankee Candle store.
    1 killed
    7 injured
    1200 soothed.

    Surround yourself with positive people and positive things will happen.
    Surround yourself with negative people and say "Hi" to my family.

    I know 5 people who are clinically insane.
    I'm two of them...

    A Febreeze commercial, but with pot-head teenagers trying not to get busted by their parents who just walked into the house.

    This may be difficult to process, but the real reason grandma had plastic on her furniture was because she was a mob assassin.

    The human brain is so fascinating.
    It operates 24/7 from the day you're born and only stops when you’re taking a test or talking to someone attractive.

    [Last Supper]
    Drunk Jesus: *swinging baguette wildly* You want a piece of me?!?

    Me: The kids haven't eaten their sandwiches.
    Wife: Ok just throw them out.
    [Later]
    Me *helping the kids pack a suitcase* Look I'm as surprised as you are.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
     
  2. Australian

    Australian Green Beret VIP Member

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    Pessimism cloaked in humor, is what I see above.
    Its a nice little trick if you want to get people to adopt a pessimistic view of the world.
     
  3. mtm105

    mtm105 Well-Known Member

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    get a new thesaurus.

    look up cynicism.
     
  4. Australian

    Australian Green Beret VIP Member

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    Thesaurus? Is that a dinosaur?
     
  5. jimmyjames

    jimmyjames Well-Known Member

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    Extinct words compendium? I'm a jaded f*ck, so keep 'em comin' mtm :yesway:
     
  6. mickeydg5

    mickeydg5 Well-Known Member VIP Member

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    I like the damn brain line. I know that feeling.
     
  7. Australian

    Australian Green Beret VIP Member

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    He’s still laughing at my dinosaur joke. :rofl:

    I honestly have never found one of his jokes funny.
    Stale, lowbrow-are words that come to mind.
     
  8. ricksconnected

    ricksconnected Well-Known Member

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    i love the jokes.
     
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  9. Trelwheen

    Trelwheen Well-Known Member

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  10. Trelwheen

    Trelwheen Well-Known Member

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    Aussie, post us some of yer fresh highbrow laffs. I'm calling ye out, cowpoke:fever:
     
  11. jimmyjames

    jimmyjames Well-Known Member

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    High, low, I'll take 'em all :cheers:
     
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  12. mcblink

    mcblink Well-Known Member

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    I remember being in about 2nd grade when I first heard the word "cunt". I didn't have a clue as to what it meant, so I asked my dad later on that evening, "dad, what is a cunt?" He looked at me with a bit of surprise, and then he thought carefully about what he was going to say. He then walked to the bookshelf and retrieved a medical encyclopedia that mom used to keep around, and found an anatomical illustration of a nude female. He grabbed his pen from his pocket and drew a small circle around the illustration's genitals, looked at me and said "There. Everything you see outside that circle....that is a cunt."
     
    Last edited: May 18, 2019
  13. Trident

    Trident Well-Known Member

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    MC!
    :lol::rofl::lol::rofl::funny:

    Thats GREAT!
     
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  14. jimmyjames

    jimmyjames Well-Known Member

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    Eeeyesss, I was around 7 when I repeated the (mispronounced "cunk" by a 10y.o. mate) word in front of me Mum and our neighbour. The horror on their faces told me I'd struck gold :lol: "You're never to use that word again." "Why, because it sounds like skunk?" "Nooo, you're just never to say it again." :wtf: The whipcrack that follows the "yoouuu fuuukkkinn' " windup when I'm really pissed off with an inanimate object :yesway:
     
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  15. mtm105

    mtm105 Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]
     
  16. Im247frogs

    Im247frogs Active Member

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    A penis walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "why the shlong face?"
     
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  17. mcblink

    mcblink Well-Known Member

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    Lol!
     
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  18. mcblink

    mcblink Well-Known Member

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    A muslim, a rabbi, and a priest walk into a bar...

    The bartender says "What is this? Some kind of joke???"
     
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  19. Im247frogs

    Im247frogs Active Member

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    That's nothing. I was in a dyslexic heavy metal band once. We spent two whole years worshipping Santa.
     
  20. mcblink

    mcblink Well-Known Member

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    What is that useless skin that surrounds the vagina called again??


    Oh yeah....the woman..
     

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