Jesstaa

My whole life has basically been an uber fuckup, when I was little, I was the most unpopular kid ever, no friends at all, just had my mum,didn't even really have metal then. Then I grew up a bit, still had to deal with so much shit, but I had metal, which made me feel better. Then I come to now, high school, I figure shit out for myself and do what I want, but I can never think on a level other people can understand, it always makes sense in my head, but then I say it and I sound like a fucking dumbass, then i can't do anything in a work like enviroment, if somebody gives me a task, I'll either hate it, find it too easy to bother with, get annoyed or get really confused, and I can't help it, that's the way my mind works, and everyones telling me I just gotta try. But I am trying. Then if I fuck up (Like I always do) I try and explain myself, and just make shit worse, and I can't fucking help it.

So basically, I've fucked everything in my life up, I can't even play guitar properly, never written anything that's sounded half decent and all my friends are just those stupid enough to be fooled into thinking I'm cool.

Somebody fucking help me, I don't like where I'm going

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boleskinhouse

I've been there before... With me, it was drugs and alcohol making me like that. Are you sober?

dennis_is_here_also

Dude, I'm just an old fat truck driver. I can't play, I can barely ride my dirt bikes, I am divorced....I am rather happy in spite of all that.
Your post is rather non-specific; what's the particular problem?

Jesstaa

I'm not even sure Dennis, I just feel fucked up, I know shits wrong and I'm not going to work anything out, but I can't figure out why and I don't feel I can do anything about it, even when I try.

The main problem is I'm realising all this, I can't do anything... And I'm 15. I've still got many years of fucking everything up left.

And bole, I'm sober, only smoke a little weed every now and then.

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boleskinhouse

Well, you ARE a teenager and it is pretty normal to feel like that sometimes. I'd ditch the dope and try to get some therapy or something... Change your friends, do different things. Your playing will always improve with time.

And there are no smilies here? WTF? LMAO

Jesstaa

There is, dunno why you can't see them


And I've already had the whole teenage depression thing (Hit puberty really early), I know this isn't it because even when I'm happy as fuck and trying my hardest, I know something's still wrong. I just ignore it until I'm down, in this case from my mother screaming at me and telling me I should just give up.

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boleskinhouse

If your mom is telling you give up, she's not doing the right thing at all...

dennis_is_here_also

Jesstaa

Nah man, thats where my point comes in, I was trying to explain myself, and making perfect sense to me, but she couldn't see what I was saying, she only believed what my school was saying (Never mind the full situation story), and then I got frustrated, so she just lost it.

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boleskinhouse

I can't see them at all. Maybe I don't have enough posts or something.

FLICKOFLASH

They are Far far right Boles



Jesstaa we all go thru these periods ..hang in there

There are rainbows after the shit storms

boleskinhouse

I know where they should be, I just don't have them. I went in my cp and can't find anything there. It says they're on.

boleskinhouse

AHHHHH! I figured it out!

I didn't have it on advanced.

dennis_is_here_also

I've only got three....well, four, now!

Jupa

Bole, Dennis


But seriously, I know how it is Jesstaa. It seems like it won't get better, but it will; it seems like there's no point in trying, but there is. Stay strong, and do what you think is right.

dennis_is_here_also

I saved that one for use over at 'the other place'!

80's Rocker

Man, sounds like bad stuff going on for sure man. I wish I could do something or tell you something to make it better. I am sure it will get better for you like everybody else has said. I bet there has to be something posititive that you can look on! When you find it just focus on it and try to not think any more bad thoughts. I know you mentioned this but you definately should keep trying at work. You will find something that you enjoy and can do. I do work that I hate sometimes but I just have to push myself doing it and telling myself that it is good for me and that it will pay off one day. Just stay positive man, and if you ever need somebody your age to talk to feel free to pm me.

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80's Rocker
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Rock On!

SiriusAbbott

Okay...
so,you are in charge of what goes on inside of you...if something is wrong,only YOU will know that it is wrong.
As others have said,what you're going through is fairly typical for teens,no,not hormonal,but definately chemical.
It,whats happening,is NOT the end of the world...its time for a new bit of maturation,and you must face up to it,to fail that would be failing yourself...UNACCEPTABLE
Instead of looking outside yourself for answers,now is time to go inside.Find what the root cause of your difficulties is,and change your path,change your mind,change whatever it is that your "gut instinct" tells you to change.
And dont fail,as failure only draws out the drama...and it appears you have had enough drama....so,find that inner strength(you know,what kept you together back when it was just "you and mum")and draw from that...heal yourself........growing up can,and does,occasionally suck....it will get better

dennis_is_here_also

I copied the above quote from your thread about 'bullet belts'. I think you may be bringing a lot of your troubles down on yourself, whether or not you understand that.
There are rules, like it or not, that ALL of us must follow.
Examine yourself and ask yourself if you are doing all you can to make your life better, or if you are somehow asking for some of the trouble that is happening to you.
Good luck.

carnada

JESSTA BRO! please dont get sad! im gonna write some advice...

SO IM 17 man, and dude, everyone goes through tough times. When I was living in bolivia at the age of 13 my dad moved to canada and I came to canada after 9 months without seeing my dad. And it was pretty fucking sad dude, but always thought that there was no point in being sad if I was gonna see him at some point and then it would feel as if nothing happened! and it worked!

But now, the situation is worse, my mom is still in bolivia, and I havent seen her in 3 and half years, im already 17 and I left her when I was 13. Now for my age thats a big differebnce, I mean when you are 13 you are playing with toys, and when you are 17 your are driving a car and fucking chicks. BUT I still now the future is maybe gonna be better and im gonna get to see my mom again!

And it was terrible man! when I got hear I was like the weird kid, because I didnt speak english and I was an awesome drummer and I couldnt even get in bands because I couldnt speak english man! so I had to join my school's jazz band because they were the only people that were comprehensive with me, and they liked my drumming. I didnt have friends for shit, I tried to be friends with this skater dudes, because I used to be sort of an skater back then, but those grade 9 kids still wouldnt give a shit about me. So then I started chilling with these korean dudes, and they were awesome, we all kinda sucked at english, but we could atleast understand eachother ya know what im sayin? So then I finally met this metalhead dudes at my school, and we started jamming a few songs and shit, and we made a band, we fucking sucked, but they were still the best months in high school I have had so far. Then they kicked me out of the band, and on the way home I got beaten up by gangsters, yeah it did hurt. I had no phone and I had to go home bleeding my nose out. And then I moved schools in grade 10, and I went to a way better school with no gangsters, yeahhh. And now im grade 12 graduating and studying percussion! see?? times get better sometimes, just believe dude.

Also another piece of advice, try to fairly well in high school man, try to get high grades and do your homework, I know it sucks, but its the only way to get respect from your parents and shit. ALSO look at the fancy kids at your school and see how they act, and then try imitating them, and you will see how well it works to get some friends. TRY to be funny man, its halloween, go to school on friday with some really funny costume, and you will see how girls will be attracted to you. ITS natural science dude, females get attracted to appealing objects!

Also, last year i did terrible in math, I got a 50 percent. This year im taking it again, and I have a 42 percent! its even fucking worse! it doesnt even make sense because im taking the same course and I should know everything by now. its not funny. But I know I will get better at it because im practicing math right now!


So my advice is...just think positive dude, and dont smoke weed or anything like that, keep it clean. I have never done weed before...I have tried, but it didnt work. so yeah it doesnt count lol

KickStart

Jessta, my man: I know that unwanted advice can sound like criticism. That is not my intention with responding to your thread.

I was once exactly like you. I felt like I never fit in anywhere and I would never amount to anything. I always felt the other kids I was around had been given some sort of information or insight into life I wasn't given. I was wrong. They all felt screwed up too, just didn't show it. I eventually stopped comparing my insides to their outsides. I stopped trying to please everyone around me and became true to myself. That doesn't mean I quit performing the boring mundane everyday things being a productive member of society requires, like WORKING. I eventually started acting like the man I wanted to become. I began making choices that would ultimately be good for me and my future.

I can't tell you how important it is to keep your cool and NOT give into all the crap that is rattling around in your head. Slow yourself down a little bit. Take a deep breath and try not to get overwhelmed. Think things through and stop being so hard on yourself.

I kept on with my music and my art, as you should too, and actually became really good at what I do. Today when I attempt to learn something, I learn every aspect of that subject or thing or song I can. I put my whole self into it, whatever it is.

I think today my goal in my life, especially with my son is to be a good example. Act like the man you want to become, the man you want to look up too. Stop the weed, I know it's not killing you, but it can stunt your emotional growth. There is time for that later.

Hang in there and KEEP ON PLAYING GUITAR!!!! You will grow up and one day have a quality of life you never imagined.

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Turn that shit up... I can still hear myself think!

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SiriusAbbott

+1 dude,all will be well,but only when you remove the "I think" from the equation
and,this is coming from an old stoner...forget the weed,there will be plenty of time for all that shit later
...and take that,from an old friend of Dimebags

American Viking

Hard to imagine but all the thoughts and troubles running through your head won't matter at all once you hit the roaring 20's.

Just be self reliant, never accept defeat, have a strong work ethic and make sure your life is properly prioritized. Mapping out your goals is pretty important as for very few of us good situations fall in our lap. Hard work whether your job or your music is the only way to get what you truly want.

Don't get anyone pregnant, keep your johnson clean, drive between the lines, keep needles out of your arm and candy out your nose and you should be good to go.

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-I'd rather be a good liver than have one...

nicole rose

being a teen is difficult sometimes. not fitting in is also hard. however a lot of hte people i really like are sort of misfits, as i was, am still. but eventually i began to find my self, and then i began to understand a lot. i am not saying you are like me, most people are not. but find yourself first, and then worry about everything else. until then, there's a lot of good advice here so far. especially the keep your nose out of drugs bit. some people use drugs to find themselves but most often it leads them away from themselves instead.

JonasAberg

First of all, everyone feels a bit f**ked up at that age. I was pretty miserable myself back then, had no girlfriend, was picked on at school etc.
What you need to realize is that you CAN do something. If you throw up your arms and say “this is just the way I am, can’t help it” you will NOT change.
Don’t accept your situation if you are unhappy with it. Figure out what you don’t like and what YOU can do to change it. Don’t blame other people because it doesn’t help you. You cannot control what they do. The only person you can change is you. Don’t wait for things to GET better, MAKE them better.

If people don’t understand you, don’t get frustrated and give up. Instead try to think about how YOU can communicate on their level.
If you’re finding it difficult to articulate what’s in your head, maybe writing it down first would help or even taking a writing class. By writing you learn to structure your thoughts and get your point across is a more to the point way.

Oh and never f**k on a balcony when you’re drunk

Apula Mawanga

I am unpopular, and have no female friends at all, but you're only 14. I'm 15, and I can't wait until 2011 when I will have finished school, and can dispense with all the idiots at my school. Compared to me, you seem to be pretty good with girls btw (I can barely talk to them)
Other things that you feel bad about are easily altered. If you don't feel that you are a good enough guitarist, just practice. I find that working out songs by ear is rather beneficial. I also find that it's good to write songs by using power chords to make a sort of framework for the song beforehand.
Oh, and I was lazy when I was in years 7-9, but now I'm a nerd in year 11, where you pick subjects you like, and the material covered is much more interesting. You grow out of your unwillingness to do work. Trust me

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fender american telecaster, cable, fender blues junior (hopefully to be replaced soon)

MacMan

shit I am 35 and feel like that, give it another 20 years and see how you feel then if pain persists see an expert. Sorry I am not trying to trivialise your situation but I honestly felt the same way when I was 15. Music pulled me through and every time I am down music is always there for me.

Frankie

Dude, don't sweat it, I was a super dee duper nerd/geek/loser/whatever at 15 too. I think everybody is. In time you will grow into your own, so be patient and don't push it. Growing up too fast sucks, just have fun with your buddies, do awkward things with chicks when the opportunities present themselves, and concentrate on getting at least somewhat of an education so you can get a moderately solid job out of high school/college. Then, once you're making decent money, grown out of your awkward teenagerness, and got those few less-than-successful scenarios with chicks out of the way... strike while the iron's hot and go party mad! I know this much from experience.

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Adwex

First, it's good to see Boleskinhouse and Nicole Rose here, please stop by more often.


Jestaa, at 15 years old, your most important concern is ...what are you going to do with your life. It's a difficult world out there, you need to have a skill that you can make a living with, because pretty soon, you're not gonna be 15 anymore, you're gonna be 25, then 30, etc. What are you good at? What would you like to do? What are your goals? What is your plan to achieve those goals? Are you planning on going to college? What will you study? If you aren't sure of the answers to these questions, then smoking weed is gonna make it worse.

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carnada

seriously jessta, smoking weed wont get you too far. If you keep doing it, you will drop out high school and work at macdonalds like all pot heads do to buy their weed, and then u will work at a restaurant as a dishwasher, and then get promoted to cook. and by the time you get there you are gonna be like 19 and you will fuck up your life nicely. And then you will just be a failed musician cheff that cant wait for their 5 minute break to smoke their weed. Trust me man, I have seen it, im a dishwasher....and all the chefs at the restaurant have that exact same story.

And the girls..................actually girls do kinda like me, well some of them...I mean theres nothing better than when you are walking down the hall of your school and you hear a chick yelling your name out loud and then you turn around and its her coming at you. But to get to this point, you atleast have to start by knowing the girl just a little bit. If you have to do a group presentation or something, dont act as if you didnt give a shit, actually do your work and look motivated, believe it or not, this will get you far!, but when I ever talk with somegirls I always atleast hold a tight conversation, not for too long but it still works to start moving the ship. If you ever get to talk with girls, ask them something for example their favourite question for a guy to ask is "How was your weekend" just ask them that and I promise they will tell you some crappy ass story about her cousin's birthday, but hey, its gonna get you started. Also dont look mad, or pissed off or aggressive...girls hate that, and its sometimes hard doing that by being a metalhead, but try your beasty best

Try to do well in high school man, be nice to your teachers, and they will be nice to you, when you dont understand something walk of to their desk and ask them a question and then say thanx for explaining me this this and this.

I have fucked up some classes really nicely man, but I was always nice with my teachers, so they still like me, and I like them, even tho i got shit marks.