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Unread 10-19-2009, 11:31 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

This is a Keeper....and Says it All

Libs vs Cons


If a conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn`t buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn`t eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a black man or Hispanic are conservative, they see themselves as independently successful.
Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don’t like be shut down.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it’s a foreign religion, of course!)


If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it,
or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.


If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and is embarrassed.
If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he's in labor and then sues.


If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended".
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Unread 10-19-2009, 12:31 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

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Unread 10-19-2009, 02:05 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

This isn't humor, this is political banter. Nothing funny was even mentioned.
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Unread 10-19-2009, 03:47 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

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Originally Posted by Frankie View Post
This isn't humor, this is political banter. Nothing funny was even mentioned.
+1
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Unread 10-19-2009, 04:33 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

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Originally Posted by Wilder Amplification View Post
...

If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended".
I thought it was hilarious, and fairly accurate.

On some other forums, political threads are frowned upon, or even forbidden because people who don't share the views of the thread get offended or angry and start a flame war. I hope that doesn't happen here.
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Unread 10-19-2009, 04:40 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

I'm glad someone sees the humor in it as that was in fact my original intent...hence the first word in the post title.

The thread title says it all. If political jokes aren't your thing...the beauty of message boards is that you can in fact pick and chose what to read and what not to.

Also...read the last lines of the original post...kinda speaks out a bit in this case dontcha think?
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Unread 10-19-2009, 05:20 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

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Originally Posted by Wilder Amplification View Post
....
Also...read the last lines of the original post...kinda speaks out a bit in this case dontcha think?
Exactly why I quoted it.
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Unread 10-19-2009, 05:26 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

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Originally Posted by Wilder Amplification View Post
....If political jokes aren't your thing...the beauty of message boards is that you can in fact pick and chose what to read and what not to.

....
I agree, but not all people do. That's why political threads are forbidden on some other forums.
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Unread 10-19-2009, 05:32 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

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Originally Posted by Adwex View Post
I agree, but not all people do. That's why political threads are forbidden on some other forums.
That's because they see a possibly controversial thread title and the voltage in their finger causes them to click on the thread under no control of their own.

Wait...what was that statement about if a liberal is a vegetarian he/she wants all meat to be banned for everyone?
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Unread 10-19-2009, 06:18 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

I'm an independent vegetarian but I am in no form trying to stop anyone from eating meat. I guess the thread was a little biased and some people hate talking anything with this substance. I for one laugh at both sides. Now Hitler is another thing... he's an ass.
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Unread 10-20-2009, 10:24 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

I'm not offended, I just don't see any humor. I'm essentially a conservative myself, and I think it's just a liberal bashing post. No satire involved whatsoever, just liberal ragging. Now if you want a good conservative/liberal joke, here you go.

Quote:
Here is a little test that will help you decide whether you're a Republican, a Democrat ...

... or a Redneck.

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Democrat's Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor! Or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1 ? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to discuss with some friends over a latte and try to come to a consensus.

Republican's Answer: Bang!

Redneck's Answer: Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Click.... (sounds of reloading) Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! click. Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?" Son: "You got him, Pop! Can I shoot the next one?" Wife: "You are not taking that to the taxidermist."
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Unread 10-22-2009, 07:42 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

^^^ That was funny, but I do have a minor point of correction: Winchester Silver Tips are hollow points.
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Unread 12-19-2009, 07:19 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

I thought it was funny.
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Unread 12-19-2009, 02:48 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

When I am elected dictator I will make everything ok.
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Unread 12-20-2009, 02:03 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

Quote:
Originally Posted by Frankie View Post
This isn't humor, this is political banter. Nothing funny was even mentioned.
It's not funny because it's true.

I found it slightly humorous and maybe a little over the top... but that's how certain liberals have acted towards my conservativism.

I have a friend who recently posted this Facebook status:

"To spread love is my ultimate mission. Don't kill eachother, shoot a Christian."

While he found it funny, I'm scared to go to his house, because I am a Christian.
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Unread 12-20-2009, 03:24 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

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Unread 12-20-2009, 04:26 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

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YES!!! Very funny! It is from this show that I got my signature!
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Unread 12-20-2009, 04:29 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

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YES!!! Very funny! That's where I got my signature!
It's a shame that he's dead now. He was flippin funny.
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Unread 12-23-2009, 12:33 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

man that sucks , i did not know he died !!
he was one funny dude !!

RIP !!
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Unread 01-05-2010, 03:52 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

Well...
I'm a Liberal... And I’m a Democrat...
My dad died in the Navy when I was a kid. We still mourn him and respect what he did for us.
So, to say the least, I support our armed forces… Don’t even think to say I don’t
And I have a carry permit and a .45ACP… I can put 9 rounds in a 3 inch circle from 30 feet in 15 seconds. In other words, I practice.
So I if I get attacked, I pull my .45… If he doesn’t stop on his own, well I can assist. And if it comes to that, I’d quickly call 911 to get his stupid ass to the emergency room A.S.A.P. Where the injuries will be treated, and I believe, paid for by taxes… That would by good by me… I think killing someone on the street would haunt me.
I happily pay my taxes so we have good schools so we can compete in the world. BTW I think Science is Science… Creationism isn’t science.
I don’t make jokes about all Republicans being; stupid, narrow minded, backward, chicken farmin’ nose picken’, I can see Russia from my porch idiots… Now do I? I guess I just don’t see the humor in it.
See my point?
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Unread 01-05-2010, 07:45 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

It's okay, you don't have to see the humor in it. There are others who do. Political humor, I.M.H.O., is a way to ventilate frustration without acting in a harmful way, and sometimes there is even a useful message in it. I'm not republican, but I have picked my nose a time or two. (sorry, T.M.I.)
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Unread 01-05-2010, 12:20 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

Well...
To me cloaking bashing in humor doesn’t make it, not bashing...
Remember Pollock jokes?
Using humor to stereotype is a classic way to disregard the opinion of, or rights of others.
The next statement I expect is "don't be so thin skinned, geez it's just a joke", followed by "see another liberal whiner"...
BTW this is the same tactic used in the mid '30's in Germany.
Man those Nazis were some FUNNY MoFos... Weren’t they?
Group think crap...
And if you say to me, “well if you don't like you can just ignore it”...
Please relay the same sentiment to the "Pro Life" clinic bombers

The only thing I can't tolerate is intolerance.
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Unread 01-05-2010, 02:27 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

Good point Dr D.

"Against a joke, there is no argument." Voltaire.

Humour as a weapon (at work, socially or politically) is very potent... react to it and you are seen as 'over the top', don't react at all, you lose publicly!

Some are masters at it such as former leader of the opposition William Hague, some years ago, Blair dodged Prime Ministers Question Time frequently due to the utter humiliation of it (at one term the lowest PMQ's held). Hague was/is humorous and intelligent and used both to devastating political effect.
(Though MartyStrat also comes to mind as a close second!)




Personally, I prefer to look 'over the top' and have the satisfaction of hitting someone! ha ha!
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Unread 01-05-2010, 02:54 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

Here is an example of UK Conservative Hague ridiculing Prime Minister Gordon Brown it is like a stand up comedy, this in the Houses of Parliament.

Background:
Brown was Tony Blairs no.2, he waited an eternity for Blair to step aside to allow Brown to become Prime Minister.
Brown recently allowed the Euopean Union to get rid of vetos of individual countries allowing the possibility of an EU President or as some conservatives see it as yet ANOTHER EUROPEAN DICTATOR... but this time... Tony Blair is in the running for it!

Very funny.
No political joke is a funny as the real thing!

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Unread 01-05-2010, 02:55 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

‘All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing’
Burke

I live by these words...
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Unread 01-05-2010, 02:56 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

Funny or not, I haven't seen or meet a politician that should not be swinging from a hangman's noose.

Now, lets talk about all the things religion has to answer for...
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Unread 01-05-2010, 05:26 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

Short of running for office yourself…
The only thing I think you can do is to back the person that best matches your opinions… Understand that progress requires “your guy” to forge agreements. And agreements require understanding of perspectives and the ability to compromise. Don't buy into hyperbole and poisonous rhetoric. Fomenting discontent doesn’t get things done…
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Unread 01-05-2010, 06:28 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr.Distortion View Post
Short of running for office yourself…
The only thing I think you can do is to back the person that best matches your opinions… Understand that progress requires “your guy” to forge agreements. And agreements require understanding of perspectives and the ability to compromise. Don't buy into hyperbole and poisonous rhetoric. Fomenting discontent doesn’t get things done…
IMO - A little bit generous really. Politicians allow themselves far too much flexibility with these "opinions" and compromise to the point of total ineffectiveness.

Discontent? If had been on the back end of all this recession shit, had to watch my livelihood go down the drain and see no one made truly accountable for it - discontent wouldn't start to describe it.
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Unread 01-05-2010, 06:40 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike_j View Post
Discontent? If had been on the back end of all this recession shit, had to watch my livelihood go down the drain and see no one made truly accountable for it - discontent wouldn't start to describe it.
You pretty much summed me up. However you left out distrustful, jaded and bitter.
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Unread 01-05-2010, 06:58 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Re: Humor - Liberal vs.Conservative

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IMO - A little bit generous really. Politicians allow themselves far too much flexibility with these "opinions" and compromise to the point of total ineffectiveness.
So... What's the option? Overthrow? Too change things I only see two viable options. Work from the inside, or fight from the outside. Shall we light our torches?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike_j View Post
IMO - Discontent? If had been on the back end of all this recession shit, had to watch my livelihood go down the drain and see no one made truly accountable for it - discontent wouldn't start to describe it.
I've personally had my ass kicked by the recession; I've only worked 5 months out of the last 14... Thankfully I'm in a situation that I >should< be able to absorb the damage and still survive...

But that's not what I mean "fomenting discontent". What I mean is it's time to stop talking crap about one another and take care of things.

I.E. All of you need to shut the fucX up. Quit calling each other names. Posturing is what got us here. Do what I elected you to do...
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