Frankie

Seriously, if not with one hand put it one with a band clamp if you have to! This is coming from a guy 2 kids and a trip to the clinic under his belt, so listen up!

__________________
w w w . c o w b o y m a f i a . n e t
Myspace.com | YouTube | Facebook

carnada

make HER put the condom. Or even better, just dont use one

rockinr0ll

Jesstaa

Man, I really wish I had a chance to use this bloody info. Getting kinda bored of being single/chickless. Although even more bored of all the chicks around here, being fucking stupid and ugly =/.

Oh well, the house around the corner from me is for sale, hopefully I got some luck happening =P

Doubt it though.

__________________

superimposedmedia

Just remember to wrap it before you tap it.
It's pay to play if you don't.

__________________
Listen to Bee Sting - myspace.com/superimposedmedia

Jesstaa

I know I know >.> Lol

Condoms suck, they should just make a little thing thingy that shoots the sperm with lasers.
MWUAHAHA.

__________________

rockinr0ll

Family Guy - Escaping The Womb




Sorry Marty, I know this is not 4chan.

Frankie

Worst advice... EVAR!

Best advice... EVAR!

__________________
w w w . c o w b o y m a f i a . n e t
Myspace.com | YouTube | Facebook

rockinr0ll

OK. Here is a serious question for once. What do I do if a chick throws herself at me? I have had chicks that are mediocre at best try to basically just "get with" me. Is it OK to have some "rough housing" or would it get me in trouble? I have always basically said, "sorry not interested". I usually wait for the ones I like to fuck around with. Am I shallow or is that just being safe?

Frankie

Well, you gotta play it by ear as to how ugly they are, but banging a 4 or a 5 is definitely better than banging nobody that night is how I always looked at it.

__________________
w w w . c o w b o y m a f i a . n e t
Myspace.com | YouTube | Facebook

watchtheskies

if condoms actually did suck then there wouldn't be too much of a problem

JonasAberg

I'd say that the one thing to watch out for is that chicks sometimes can't seperate sex and love. Once you sleep with them they get attached in all sorts of ways and you may find it hard to get rid of 'em later.
On the other hand, everyone needs at least one "the time I boinked a fat/ugly chick"-story.

MartyStrat54

That's what is the same about riding a moped and fucking a fat chick. You don't want your friends to see you on either.

If you are a fairly decent looking guy, you probably have been shallow. If you have great looks than you are probably shallow all of the time. Nothing wrong with it, especially if you ain't ready for the big "commitment." I mean if you are banging three or four chicks at a time, you need to concern yourself with your juggling skills and not worry about being shallow, because you know you will be dumping one or two of them soon anyways.

But yes, it doesn't matter if you banged a hot chick or a fat one, they still get this sensation of, "He's my man!" Ohhh, that's frickin' scary. So if you pop a hottie or bang a whale, 98 per cent of the time they are already thinking about taking the relationship to the next level (and there ain't too many levels before it becomes the "Marshall is taking up to much space in 'our' apartment."

The best thing that has happened to me at least a dozen times is when you are banging a nice looking chick and after about two weeks or so, she dumps you. To coin the Austin Powers phrase, "Yeah, Baby!" Who cares why she dumped you? You don't think about that. You think, "Wow...I banged that hot chick for three weeks and now I don't have to tell her I'm dumping her. If you get one or two like that, it is like a free seat on an airplane.

Creamin' without a condom. In America, it can lead to 18 years of child support. I never wanted to go there my friends. Plus it links you with the mother. What happens when you do want to get married? This "other" chick is now popping into your life again just to make you miserable.

Another thing to touch on to. Psycho bitches. The worst kind. You can bang one and not even know it until it is too late. They are capable of almost anything. You can tell them it's over and to them it's just begun. It is very difficult to tell a psycho chick from a hottie. If they start telling you a lot of intimate stuff about themselves after two beers...look out!

Normally I charge a $110 an hour fee for this sort of counseling. If you would all like to chip in, I can post my PayPal account.

__________________
MARTY

2009 Gibson Explorer-Hell Raising Machine
1989 Fender Strat Plus USA
2008 Fender Tele USA
2004 Schecter Elite w/DiMarzio's

TSL100 with custom 4x12 cab. TSL122 with Man 'O War Speakers.
TSL602 #1 with JBL D123 Speakers and 602 #2 with Altec 417 Speakers. "Oh so sweet my friends."
DSL401 #1 with Red Fang Speaker and 401 #2 with JBL D123 Speaker.

Tubes: Let's just say they are NOS that kick ass.

Frankie

The best advice ever posted on the internet! I could buy a Marshall every month with my child support and my ex randomly shows up to bother me and my wife. Take Marty's words 200% to heart you young emm-effers!

__________________
w w w . c o w b o y m a f i a . n e t
Myspace.com | YouTube | Facebook

MartyStrat54

A Fat Chick Story by Marty

Once long ago, around 1974, when Marshall was making some kick ass amps, there lived a guy named Jerry. Jerry was from Blackwell, Oklahoma but had moved to a town called Kingfisher, Oklahoma.

It just so happened that Marty and his friend Chris (from Blackwell also) had a job that took them to Kingfisher. They met up with Jerry and Jerry was nice enough to let them crash at his house.

Well the typical partying went on and one Friday night, some chicks came by. One was a big old mule, well over 250 pounds. Well Marty and Chris partied with the other chicks and the other girls left at about 2 AM.

The next morning, Marty and Chris got up nursing hangovers. After getting their shit together somewhat, they sat down and turned the TV on. After about an hour they heard a strange noise. It will be hard to describe it here, but it sounded like, "mmmElp ggget ssher nnoff." We both looked at each other and thought that was odd. All of a sudden we heard it again. "mmmElp ggget ssher nnoff." Well, his went on and it got louder and Chris is short tempered with a hangover and he gets up and opens Jerry's bedroom door.

To his surprise, this huge girl is sitting on Jerry's face. The fat girl acts like she is modest and takes the bed sheet (yeah all of it) to cover herself. Chris seeing what is going on says, "Move your fat ass off of him!" In her sense of pleasure, she thought Jerry was giving her a hum job when in reality he was saying, "Help get her off!" She had almost suffocated him. A few more minutes and that large, wet vagina could have become a seal of death.

Getting involved in kinky sex acts with fat chicks is like weight lifting. Don't do either without a spotter.

__________________
MARTY

2009 Gibson Explorer-Hell Raising Machine
1989 Fender Strat Plus USA
2008 Fender Tele USA
2004 Schecter Elite w/DiMarzio's

TSL100 with custom 4x12 cab. TSL122 with Man 'O War Speakers.
TSL602 #1 with JBL D123 Speakers and 602 #2 with Altec 417 Speakers. "Oh so sweet my friends."
DSL401 #1 with Red Fang Speaker and 401 #2 with JBL D123 Speaker.

Tubes: Let's just say they are NOS that kick ass.

carnada

marty strat omg lol.


ANYWAYS!!! this could be good news. So theres this girl in my math class...another one, not LEAH. I love Leah more than this other girl. So shes kinda emo as I said before, but she REALLY is starting to talk to me a lot. I mean, we on the bus together, we sit together, she asks me to sit beside her...hmmm all this shit. And im pretty sure if I asked her out, she would say yes. NOW, I dont think this girl is really that hot, but as I said before I would still give her a chance, plus shes not really THATTT bad looking, shes good enough. Actually she can be cute sometimes.

NOW, I have been applying alll the friggin tips that marty and the boys have given so far, and they actually work. BUT in order to make them work, you have to first KNOW the girl well, and see if she starts a conv or something. IF she doesnt, then theres no really a hope.

rockinr0ll

You seem pretty young if you are still taking the bus. Why don't you just hang out and stuff? At that age you really don't need to be tied down, you have school and Marshall amps on the mind also.

If you want the easy way to get girls just get a short hair cut and go party. Girls are funny because they say they want a good boy but in the end they want a bad boy or some one with money (looks or establishment). They aren't that much different then us guys! They are just as impressed with looks as we are. You don't see us posting any mediocre girl pictures in the "boob" thread. This of course is the whole first impression way to get girls.

Jesstaa

Yeah, you get this, or you get what I had a couple of months back.

I might as well make this a boring story to give you fellas something to read.

So once upon a time, I was bored shitless talking to a couple of my friends (chicks) on msn, then we all came up with the brilliant idea of hanging out, I was already going into town, so I said why not.

Little background story;
One of these chicks is just some chick I know, my mate gave her head on one of my beds last year >.>
The other is some chick I'd known for about 3 or 4 weeks, she's way hot and was into me, although she had a boyfriend, who was one of my mates, but he was a bit of a pain in the arse, retarded as, we shall call this chick... Uhh, Chick 1, and the other Chick 2.


Annnyyyywayyyyy
So I'm doing my thing in town, you know, had to go shopping with my mum >.>
Then we stop in the CD store, and while mum's checking out the extensive black metal collection, I got on msn.
Here came the first of 2 uber lucks of the day, I got on just as the sent me a message telling me they were going to a different town to the one we were gonna meet up in, so I sent them a few messages and clarified everything, all good.

So then we went out to the other town and little did I know, Chick 2 had lost her phone, and Chick 1 didn't even have one -_-, I was just gonna call them and find them.
Buttttt
My second act of über luck - I happened to run into them just as I was walking into the shopping thing.
So then we just hung out, being bored and doing whatever, youknow.

Then comes time to go home (wow, this story is dragging on, I'm too descriptive... I should write a novel. HOPE THIS IS ENTERTAINING)
I end up getting a lift back with them, instead of waiting for my mum to come get me, which is good.

On the way back they stop to get movies, and there they ask if they can come back to my place (Chick 1 seems really eager, I was like "Hmm, this could be good")
Blahblahblah
So they come back to my place and we watch these 2 movies, my mum is still home at the time, and it's pissing me off, cause me and Chick 1 keep trying to make moves on each other, but my mum just keeps coming in.
Eventually she decides to go over the road, and bam, we get a quick make out session in.

Anywayyyy
they go home ,you know, blahblahblah

2 days later, I'm bored again, so I keep insisting they come over and... Smoke... Stuff with me, so they do once my mum goes to work, so youknow, we get stoned, watch TV for a bit. Then Chick 2 goes over and uses my computer, and bam, sexy taim.

Later that night, once she's gone home, I remember the fact she has a boyfriend, and that said boyfriend will kick my ass if he finds out.

In the days/weeks that followed, I keep it hidden except from like 2 close friends, but this chick starts avoiding me lots (Awkward I guess, but who'd wanna sleep with me and remember it the next day =P)
Time passes, and all of a sudden I'm told this dude found out, which is annoying.
So I go to school and confront him, tell him I'm sorry, yada yada, and, he's not pissed off
But then I settle it all with a few drags from my joint and we all lived happily ever after


YAY

Now, did you have fun reading that?

Hey, somebody give me a word count on that xD

Moral of that story is, either you're gonna get some extra baggage, or you'll lose a friend/somebody to sleep with.

D=

__________________

superimposedmedia

You're mum sounds cool as hell As for the other girls, screenshots or it didn't happen

__________________
Listen to Bee Sting - myspace.com/superimposedmedia

Jesstaa

...Screenshots? xD

Never made it to screen mate =/

xD

Hey
Guess what

6
6
6
POSTS >;D
:r ock:

Eh
Not that exciting >.>

__________________

carnada

that wasnt that bad of a story my friend? pretty good story.

carnada

shit man, im all the opposite to that, long ass hair, bad economic situation, etc lol

rockinr0ll

LOL. Me to man. Luckily that is just the whole first impression thing..

carnada

BTW im 17 years old

rockinr0ll

I'm 20.

carnada

ahh sick man, I look like 15 tho.

rockinr0ll

My family says I'm like an old man. I'm aging quickly and been through a lot of bull shit. I moved at least 13 times and lived in around 8 states. The first 8 years of my child hood I moved every year and repeated grades and had to take extra courses. Finally when I moved to place where we could be steady I had to go to a new school because it was being built. Than during high school I had to move once again half way across the country. Let alone we than moved to a new town my sophomore year. lol.

Anyway here's some advice my dad gave me.

We were discussing "women" and I mentioned how most hot girls are a handful. He frowns at my statement but lets me continue... I than say I wouldn't mind just marriage with a cool girl with personality to do cool shit with. My dad pauses and I can tell he is about to say something but holds it in and lets me go on... I than say, "I wouldn't mind an OK looking girl as long as they do things for me etc.." That was obviously enough of my talk then he corrects me and says:

"No way in hell is it worth marriage with any ugly women. I have been married to your mother and it has been hell, I hate that bitch."

Moral of the story he most likely fucked the wrong girl and forgot to use a rubber. The dude hates me, most likely because I was his first. Oh, well. He had a valid point about dating ugly girls because if you do they expect things from you and all sudden turn into the "mean girl" personality. The girl that doesn't know she is hot lasts a very short while, and most likely she is the "psycho type" anyway.

MartyStrat54

A shame to hear. I'm glad you have your sense of humor. My dad had nine kids with my mom and she wasn't ugly, but nine deliveries will tear a woman up. At some point, my dad started screwing around. Then it became like a disease, as he was with all sorts of women...married, divorced, whatever. He never told me that he hated my mom. Just before he died, he tried to ask us kids to forgive him. I thought it was a little late for that. He put my mom through hell. This was one of the reasons why I was basically on my own at 16. I couldn't stand going home. I got my first car, a 1956 Chevy at 16 and I practically lived in it.

I'm sorry your dad said those things. Just remember you do control your own destiny.

__________________
MARTY

2009 Gibson Explorer-Hell Raising Machine
1989 Fender Strat Plus USA
2008 Fender Tele USA
2004 Schecter Elite w/DiMarzio's

TSL100 with custom 4x12 cab. TSL122 with Man 'O War Speakers.
TSL602 #1 with JBL D123 Speakers and 602 #2 with Altec 417 Speakers. "Oh so sweet my friends."
DSL401 #1 with Red Fang Speaker and 401 #2 with JBL D123 Speaker.

Tubes: Let's just say they are NOS that kick ass.

carnada

damn, touching stories...

851
8427

Jesstaa

I've never really had a proper father figure in my life. Back in the day (well, wasn't really back in the day, the 90's >.>) my mum was a bit like I am now, rebel metalhead, didn't really live anywhere, just hung around Melbourne. At one stage she went to stay at some womens home for a while, but they were all religious, so she buggered off. Then she met my Dad. Dunno when this was, but I know when I was born my mum was 20 and my dad was 16. They lived in a shitty town, my mum didn't have a job, and had never really had a job, and my Dad was a boiler maker.

So then I was born, I guess my mum realised she couldn't just screw around anymore and decided to try and become a proper parent, which wasn't easy for her, she dropped out of school in year 11 and never liked doing what people told her. She was generally more intelligent than most people in decent jobs, but she didn't have those little bits of paper.

So after a while I guess they kinda split, would've involved lots of bogan activities and shit (Eh, bear with me if my language gets a little Aussie). Not sure what mum did for a while, but eventually she moved in with another dude (Who died last year in a car accident, RIP) who was bloody awesome, really miss that guy, he basically took me in as his own, even after mum and him split.

From then on it's just either been my mum and me or my mum, me and her boyfriend. For the last 2 or so years she's had a pretty cool boyfriend, who is a guitarist, I used to use his Jackson/Epiphone and Marshall valvestate.

So when it comes to all the fatherly advice I suppose you usually get over time, I've kinda missed out on that and had to figure it out myself =/
It's a good wake up call though, I gotta remember not to be that kind of fool if I ever have children.

__________________